Manifesting Space Dreams Into Reality

 

Forming my dreams at the 2010 Next-Generation Suborbital Researchers Conference

Human spaceflight always has been emotional for me. From the very first space shuttle launch I saw at NASA Kennedy Space Center when I was a new freshman in college to the new commercial vehicles conducting test flights, there's a mix of rush, excitement, and fear. Lives are on the line. The memory of those we've lost are a constant reminder that these brave pioneers could die before my eyes. But spaceflight is one of the most grand undertakings humanity has ever accomplished. And I want to join them, personally.

It's difficult to express how meaningful it is to know someone preparing to fly to space and to watch them make that dream a reality. I've met over 50 flown astronauts and a few who were selected by NASA but hadn't yet had their chance to fly. But of the astronauts I've gotten to know for more than a brief meeting or two, I knew none of them before their spaceflights. When I met them, they already symbolized that beyond-sky-high achievement that seems out-of-reach for so many of us.

When Alan Stern was selected in October last year to become NASA's first sponsored suborbital researcher on a future Virgin Galactic flight, I was elated. I've known Alan since I was a graduate student and I've worked with him on a number of small projects. I've watched him champion for human-tended suborbital science within NASA and the wider space community.

Alan and two of his colleagues at Southwest Research Institute, Dan Durda and Cathy Olkin, already held tickets to fly as researchers on Virgin Galactic (and XCOR Aerospace back in the day) via SwRI. But there was something about the NASA selection that made it feel more real, more official, more notable. NASA astronaut selection and training is a highly rigorous process with an elite group of very few people wearing the coveted title of NASA astronaut. For NASA to select someone outside of that tight selection process to fly on a suborbital spaceflight on behalf of NASA, that stood out to me as different. As more attainable. As a way for me and others like me to fly as a researcher someday.

My friend Kellie Gerardi blew me away with the way she defined her dream to fly to space (read her book Not Necessarily Rocket Science) and then made it happen! In June, the International Institute of Astronautical Sciences selected her to fly on a future Virgin Galactic research flight. I burst into tears when I heard the news! Not only was I thrilled for Kellie, I recognized her in myself. We share the same dreams and the same motivations. She's making her dream happen. So can I.

On July 1, Virgin Galactic announced the crew of its next test flight with Sirisha Bandla on board. One of my first memories of Sirisha was watching her assist with a raffle at the 2012 Next-Generation Suborbital Researchers Conference, both of us watching as someone in the audience won a trip to suborbital space with XCOR Aerospace. XCOR may not have made it, but Sirisha did.

Knot in my throat, I teared up as I watched Virgin Galactic astronaut 004 Sirisha Bandla soar to space today with the rest of the Unity22 crew, focused on suborbital science all the while. Sirisha accomplished her dream today. I can too. And so can so many others who saw her fly today and were inspired by her accomplishment.

One of the first times I met Alan when I was a graduate student, he asked me what I was doing to accomplish my goals. He meant it as a rhetorical question to emphasize a point: it's not enough to dream, we need to take actions to pursue our dreams. It wasn't until Alan spoke at the first Next-Generation Suborbital Researchers Conference in 2010 that I even considered the possibility of becoming a suborbital researcher. Now I've witnessed Sirisha make history doing so and I'm cheering on Kellie, Alan, Dan, and others who will someday as well. My dream is to fly suborbital science myself someday. And/or go to the Moon, of course.

What am I doing to make my dream happen? The beauty of this new industry is that there are multiple ways to pursue my dream. I'm involved in the space community, assisting with space payloads and supporting space companies. I'm entering various contests by Inspiration4, DearMoon, Omaze, and others to win a trip to space. I've spoken with flown astronauts and future flyers for my upcoming book on private spaceflight, hoping to better prepare my readers and myself for a future where we ourselves will fly. I'm always open to someone sponsoring my ride – call me!

They can do it. The crew of Unity22 have done it. The crew of Blue Origin's upcoming New Shepard flight are preparing to do it. We can do it too. Space belongs to all of us. This is just the very beginning of newly paved narrow-but-widening paths to allow us all to reach our dream of spaceflight.

The 7th Next-generation Suborbital Researchers Conference

Before the chaos of the coronavirus and mass cancellations, there was the 7th Next-generation Suborbital Researchers Conference. I’ve attended all 7 of them, usually spaced 1.5 to 2 years apart. This year, I was a member of the organizing team. In addition to running the social media accounts, I organized a panel and helped with other things along the way. Additionally, I gave a talk and was a panelist for another panel.

It was fun but anxiety-inducing to organize a panel on the connection between suborbital research on new vehicles launched by Blue Origin and Virgin Galactic and orbital research on the ISS. I’ve organized panels before and have no problems identifying and inviting potential panelists. I confirmed four speakers: two ISS managers (one from NASA and one from my former employer CASIS / ISS National Lab, a nonprofit that handles Earth-benefitting ISS research) and two researchers who have flown experiments to suborbit and orbit (a NASA engineer and a university medical doctor and professor).

What made this panel different was a SpaceX CRS launch to the ISS scheduled Sunday night after the official start of the conference. Two of my panelists were attending the launch. If the launch was delayed a day, they would be unable to attend my panel and I’d be down to two panelists. It turns out the SpaceX launch was delayed – by 5 days! So my panelists attended the conference and then attended the launch.

Snow! Just before conference kick-off on Sunday.

In addition to constant social media posting and engagement, I staffed the registration desk Sunday evening and Monday morning. I’m an extrovert, so greeting people when they arrive is fun. Find their name badge, hand them their program and flyer packet, give them some give-away swag (this time, a conference pen and a Virgin Galactic “remove before flight” keychain tag), let them know about the ZeroG Corporation raffle, and ask if they have any questions. If they are a friend, catch up a little bit with small talk. If they are a journalist, student, or VIP, there was additional information to tell them. I had helpers during both sessions who I trained to take over when things got too busy.

Sunday evening was the conference opening reception. We wandered around the hotel’s side lobby while caterers carried plates of food around and a couple Colorado politicians spoke words of welcome. I spent most of the time at the registration desk but ran off for a few minutes at time to take photos of the speakers for social media posts and grab some food.

As he was filling out his raffle ticket, three-time space shuttle astronaut and first commercial astronaut Charlie Walker, who I’ve met several times at this conference throughout the years, informed me that he had experienced plenty of microgravity time and would give away his ZeroG parabolic flight ticket if he won. He offered to give it to me. What a story that would be – an astronaut winning a raffle and giving away his ticket! Every time he saw me at the conference, he knew the exact number of hours until the winner would be selected on Wednesday morning. He was so excited about it for someone who didn’t plan to keep the winnings!

Astronaut Charlie Walker filling out his ZeroG Corporation raffle ticket

Alan Stern kicked off the talks Monday morning. Although he is a planetary scientist and can speak endlessly about Pluto and other Kuiper belt objects, he’s also passionate about the commercial space industry and suborbital science. This conference is his baby and he has tickets to fly himself with an experiment someday. As a grad student, Alan was my inspiration realizing I could be a scientist and work in the space industry simultaneously, that the two worlds can come together.

Other Monday morning speakers included Ryan Hamilton of Southwest Research Institute, Kevin Coleman of the Federal Aviation Administration’s commercial spaceflight office, George Whitesides of Virgin Galactic, Steve Squyers of Blue Origin, Eric Stallmer of the Commercial Spaceflight Federation, Steven Collicott of Purdue University and CSF SARG, and finally, my favorite, NASA Administrator Jim Bridenstine, who high-fived me as he was boarding an elevator after his talk.

NASA Administrator Jim Bridenstine speaking at NSRC-2020

Fellow book author Alan Ladwig had a whole table for book signing. His book is a historical look at space tourism. I had brought 6 copies of my book to sign and sell. We traded: a signed copy of mine for one of his. He’s also an artist and doodled as he signed. He gave a talk about his book during the conference which was great because it was full of amusing old stories.

Alan Ladwig and I showing off our books at NSRC-2020

I attended as many of the talks as I could so I could be there with my phone to take photos and write up content for social media. I was constantly sharing the posts of others as well. It kept me quite busy. I didn’t take as much time as I usually do to network in the hallway.

My talk was second-to-last Monday afternoon. I presented insights on how to market suborbital spaceflight to millennials based on the research I conducted for my book. I didn’t know if anyone would still be in the room or if they’d be off at the poster and networking session starting 15 minutes later. There was still a small audience, so I gave it my best. And despite some initial technical difficulties displaying my presentation correctly, it went great! There was no time for audience questions, but I got so many complements after the talk.

I wrote up a one-pager on how to market spaceflight to millennials, available here.

Giving my talk on how to market spaceflight to millennials at NSRC-2020

Tuesday was exciting to me because of one newly arriving attendee: Beth Moses. She is Virgin Galactic’s astronaut trainer. In 2018, she became the first woman astronaut on a commercial vehicle, the first woman suborbital astronaut, and the first person to unstrap and float around in a suborbital spaceflight. She was the seventh person to be awarded FAA commercial astronaut wings, the first six being pilots and she being the first passenger. She’s my suborbital astronaut role model.

I met her briefly at the registration desk, which I wasn’t working at the time but happened to be there resting. I sat front row to watch her panel with Michelle Peters of ZeroG on how to train for microgravity research missions. I finally got a chance to pose for a photo with her at the VIP reception that evening.

Meeting Beth Moses

Tuesday was also the panel I organized which went quite well! We only had a few minutes for audience questions, but the information presented was great and Q&A session went well too. Mission success.

The very last hour of the Tuesday afternoon sessions was the panel I was added to a week before the conference on the importance of researchers flying with their research on suborbital spaceflight missions. There were seven panelists, which is a huge number for a one-hour panel, but it worked out pretty well. Only astronaut Charlie Walker gave intro slides and the rest was Q&A. I took a different approach than most of the others and spoke about what I learned from researching for my book about normalizing spaceflight, creating that human connection, bringing spaceflight to the masses to stabilize the field financially and politically the way we take air travel for granted today, and opening space to other scientific disciplines such as psychologists researching the way humans perceive the planet and ourselves after experiencing spaceflight.

Wednesday was the final day of the conference. I sat in on talks by my graduate advisor Josh Colwell and former lab college Addie Dove of UCF, reminiscing about the experiments I spent years on in grad school.

The two raffle winners were announced for free tickets on ZeroG’s “weightless” parabolic aircraft flights. I’ve flew two campaigns in grad school and absolutely loved it, even though I got sick. I’d still fly again in a heartbeat! I was chatting with my former CASIS colleague Ed Harris who now works at Keck Observatory in Hawaii. He was in the middle of telling me that if he won, he plans to donate his ticket to a scientist in Hawaii who can fly Hawaiian student experiments, when suddenly the whole lobby was looking over at us. Ed had won! I’m so glad because his generous donation to support Hawaiian schools is much better than me flying for a third time.

The final session of the conference, right after lunch, was full of more top speakers. My favorite space journalist Jeff Foust of Space News gave an analytical view of suborbital spaceflight: where it was predicted to be, where it is now, and where it could grow to be. Beth Moses gave another talk, this one a more detailed look at her job as an astronaut trainer and research facilitator with more details about her own spaceflight. Dylan Taylor of Space for Humanity inspiring talk about the philosophy of opening up spaceflight with ideals that mirror my own. And Alan Stern wrapped up the conference with thank-yous.

Those 5 remaining books I brought with me to autograph and sell? I sold all of them! I probably could have sold a couple more if I had brought more.

Why do I continue being involved in NSRC when my work is now broader and I’m no longer directly working with suborbital research? It’s a small an intimate gathering, a welcoming community, a good mix of multidisciplinary attendees and presenters, and very forward-thinking topics. It’s a seamless fusion of science, engineering, public outreach, government, and commercial space. And because it’s not annual, it’s not repetitive in an ever-changing field. Even though my work is broader now, I still wish to be a suborbital astronaut/ space tourist. When I fly, I’ll take an experiment with me. I’ve trained to be a suborbital scientist. Aside from a lunar astronaut, suborbital astronaut who I desire to become.

What I Learned Taking a Baby to a Professional Conference (Part 2)

I took 5-month-old Josephine to an informal professional networking event last night and reminded myself that I still had yet to write about our adventures at an out-of-state conference together last week. Rest and catch-up are top priorities after returning from travel. Now I can reflect on the positive and negative of bringing a baby to a professional conference.

Working and playing, as well as we can together.

Community Support

I had a lot of fears about being a working mother after I gave birth to my daughter and it became clear that she was too young to be away from me for long. I worried that I would be seen as less than professional if I brought her with me. I expected negative or inappropriate comments. I would not have been surprised if people had asked me to leave when they saw me with a baby. Babies don't belong in work environments, right?

My fears were the furthest from the truth. Every time I brought my baby, I was welcomed with open arms. Colleagues and new acquaintances loved meeting her and watching her grow. Young women and older men thanked me for bringing her. Only once was I asked not to attend a meeting with her, a rare exception to the warm welcome she's received. She's an instant star no matter where I go. The one downside is that on occasion, colleagues are more interested in talking about her than about business!

The way I saw it, I could either bring my baby with me or stay home, out of sight. Bringing her to one day of the local Space Congress was a test. Taking her on a plane to Colorado, without my husband, for a 3-day conference to the Next-generation Suborbital Researchers Conference in Broomfield, Colorado was the real deal! How would she behave? How would others react? Would I be able to attend the conference talks at all?

I was overwhelmed with the generosity, encouragement, and support from the conference staff and attendees! From the moment we arrived, others offered to hold her, play with her, give her toys (conference swag), and take care of her. Conference staff made her a special name badge. She attracted conference attendees like a magnet. One man thanked me for bringing her because her sounds during the talks lessened the seriousness of the atmosphere and reminded him of home and humanity.

Baby Genius - All Star!

The Noise

There's no way around it: babies make noise and there's no quieting them. I knew that I would be in and out of talks. I just hoped that I would be in more than out.

I lucked out with a relatively mellow baby. She doesn't cry all that much, but she does have her moments. She wasn't feeling well on Friday afternoon, so I hid in the bathroom for a long time, hoping the thick doors would dampen her screams. But worse, I didn't have my phone or laptop because I couldn't return to the conference ball room with a screaming baby to retrieve them, my feet were hurting me in brand new dress pumps, and there were no restroom chairs, so I sat barefoot on the floor not even knowing the time while she screamed and screamed. Eventually she did calm down and we reemerged. Aside from that outburst, screaming fits were rare.

More common were little baby grunts from learning to crawl and play and “songs” from learning to use her voice. When those got too loud and persistent, I needed to leave the room. Sometimes I would walk with her along the back wall by the door, leaving when she was loud and returning when she had quieted. In and out, in and out. While this certainly is not an ideal way to hear talks, I was able to pick up bits and pieces of conversation this way.

Most of the time, she was quiet enough for me to be in the room. Especially when she napped in my lap! During those periods, I could focus on the speakers and pretend I was attending a conference as usual. Except that I was in the back of the room sitting on the floor next to toys, usually.

Conference swag makes for good toys.

Baby Wearing

I wore my baby in her wrap less often than I expected to. There were times when it made sense, such as during a tour of a nearby company's facilities where we'd be walking a lot. I opted not to bring a stroller to the airport, instead wearing her around the terminal. However, during the conference talks, mostly we were sitting down. I tried sitting with her in my lap, but she got bored quickly. Instead, I laid a baby blanket on the ground and let her play with toys independent of me as much as possible. Outside of talks, she would be passed from person to person so much that it didn't make sense to attach her to me. I'm glad I brought the wrap and I did use it frequently, but she wasn't attached to me at all times.

Baby hanging out on the tour.

Hotel Sleeping

I have difficulty sleeping in a strange place. So, it seems, does my baby. We didn't have our normal routine and sleep aids such as her swing, so sleep didn't come as naturally to her. It was a struggle each night to get her to stay asleep. Usually I succeeded an hour or two after her usual bedtime.

I opted not to bring her crib, instead allowing her to sleep in the king-size bed with me. At home, her crib is right next to our king-sized bed so she spend half the night in her bed and inevitably half the night in ours. Co-sleeping works well for us. I didn't even think twice about keeping her in the bed with me while on travel.

Sleeping on my lap.

Brave, Hero and Supermom

I was called all these things for bringing a baby to a conference. I am none of them. I am simply a working mom who loves my career and loves being with my child. I find it interesting that in our culture, we would see this behavior as something to be praised highly with descriptions such as brave, hero, and supermom. In my opinion, this only points to the need to combine maternity and career for new moms and make what I did common.  

Thanks for bringing me along, mom!

Career Sacrifices: No Tours for Me

My nearly 5-month-old refuses to take a bottle. She used to, now she doesn't, preferring to scream and starve if given the option. And in fact she did go on a hunger strike for around 8 hours when I left her with my husband for a day, which is how we made this discovery. Therefore, I cannot be physically apart from my baby for more than 2 hours without feeling exceptionally bad for the adult caring for her (i.e., my husband).

I am given the choice to participate in my profession with my baby or opt out. I've been choosing to participate when I can. I'm just as competent, passionate, and ambitious in my career with my baby as I was before. However, there are limitations to what I can do at the moment. Some plans are on hold. Others are delayed or take more time. And some opportunities, as much as it pains me, must be sacrificed.

I have sacrificed two conferences/meetings this year and was ready to sacrifice a third before I jumped on-board with the planning committee to help out. I love this particular conference, and although I was prepared to miss it, I really didn't want to. So, I committed, with my baby. In 15 days, I'll be on a plane to Denver, traveling with my child and no other adult, determined to make this work during the three-day conference.

I won't be able to participate as widely as I usually do. I'm willing to sacrifice the opportunity to listen to every speaker or to hear every word coming from their mouths. I've already sacrificed the chance to present a poster because it would be too much to handle with the baby. I'm willing to sacrifice networking time if I need to change a diaper instead. I'm prepared to leave for the airport earlier and set aside more time to allow myself to eat. I know I'll sacrifice sleep; that goes without saying for the parent of a young one. And, unfortunately, I'll need to sacrifice special opportunities to see things I may not ever get the chance to see again.

I got excited when I saw the news: a chance to tour Ball Aerospace! Cool! I'm a visual learner. I learn by seeing and by doing. I jump on the chance to take tours, to experience the atmosphere around the work being done, and to ask question after question of the tour leaders. I'm their favorite kind of visitor because I'm engaged, learning, snapping photos (when allowed), tweeting, and getting the word out. I soak it up.

But the baby. How could I take a tour with the baby? They probably wouldn't allow me to bring her because of safety standards or some other policy. What if I need to walk her away from the crowd to calm her down? What if she spits up over their equipment? What if I need to do an emergency diaper change? In a hotel banquet hall, I can take care of her. On a company's secured property, it would be a lot harder. Could I even safely take her on the tour bus without the car seat anchored to the vehicle?

Sadly, I decided to sit that one out. But then, a second tour! This one of Sierra Nevada Corporation's facilities. And oh, how I wanted to go. I thought about it, thinking of how I could make it work. I even started composing an email asking if I could bring her. But the same issues arose again and again in my head. I just can't.

Usually, I'm all about asking forgiveness rather than permission. But in these cases, even I don't think I can justify asking permission. As a working mother, I make sacrifices for my child. This is one of them.

How do other women do it?

Next Generation Inspired by Next-generation Suborbital Researchers Conference

A decade ago as a senior just before graduating with my bachelor's degree, I attended my first conference. I've been loving conferences ever since. But my absolute favorite is the Next-generation Suborbital Researchers Conference (NSRC). I've been to every NSRC ever held thus far. I'm delighted that the streak continues and I'll be attending this year's NSRC in Broomfield, Colorado from June 2 – 4. I'm so excited I can hardly wait!

NSRC began in 2010 in Boulder, Colorado. I was a graduate student in my second month at a new university pursuing my doctorate in planetary science. My grad advisor, Josh Colwell, was one of the organizers of the conference along with Alan Stern, the man of many hats. Attendance exceeded expectations. Speakers included Lori Garver, Pete Worden, George Nield, Jeff Greason, and Rick Searfoss. SpaceX, Virgin Galactic, Blue Origin, XCOR, and Masten were present, among others. Research topics included spectroscopy, solar observations, vulcanoids, suborbital observatories, and regolith dynamics.

Posing with Virgin Galactic's model spaceplane. - NSRC 2010

Being so new to the commercial space industry, I really felt inspired by NSRC. This conference came at an important time for me, right after President Obama's FY2011 budget request and the cancellation of the Constellation program when I felt hopeless about the future of spaceflight. I wrote, “This conference gave me a true sense of belonging among people such as these. I feel like the doors are open to me wider than I realized before. I am very optimistic about my future and the future of the space industry. The dream is still alive!”

I was personally involved in NSRC 2011, hosted by my advisor Josh at my university in Orlando, Florida. I was the volunteer coordinator, recruiting and organizing 40 student volunteers helping to make the conference happen. I was even interviewed by a local news station.

Spreading the love of space on TV - NSRC 2011

This second conference was just as magical as the first. I wrote, “I remember feeling this way during the first NSRC last year in Boulder: energized, passionate, enthusiastic, optimistic, and grateful. All of those feelings came flooding back to me today at the start of NSRC 2011.” Speakers not already mentioned included George Whitesides, Robert Braun, Frank DiBello, David McBride, David Masten, Keith Cowing, and Eric Seedhouse. Even more microgravity research was presented than the year before.

NSRC 2012 was in Palo Alto, California. It was there that I met Neil Armstrong after his talk about suborbital spaceflight history. I am forever grateful that I got to shake his hand before he was gone! XCOR gave away a free Lynx ride to a lucky winner. Speakers not already mentioned included June Scobee Rodgers, Andrew Nelson, William Pomerantz, Carissa Christensen, Rand Simberg, and Jeff Foust. One thing that struck me was the diversity of microgravity research presented compared to previous years. So much science!

Meeting Neil Armstrong, first man on the Moon - NSRC 2012

Prototype future spacesuit helmet - NSRC 2012

NSRC 2013 was back in Colorado, this time Broomfield just outside of Boulder. One of the first things I did upon arriving was climb into a lifesize model of the XCOR Lynx and pretend to fly. I had just started my new job at the Center for the Advancement of Science in Space three months prior and I gave my first public CASIS talk at the conference. Speakers not previously mentioned included Charlie Walker, Mike Lopez-Alegria, Scott Parazynski, Stu Witt, Wayne Hale, Mike Suffredini, Mark Sirangelo, and Jane Poynter.

Flying the XCOR Lynx - NSRC 2013

Where will Alan Stern fly us to in this Lynx ride among the stars? - NSRC 2013

I raced my friend Ryan Kobrick in assembling Lego Lynx models (he won, just barely). I sang Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody with a table full of inebriated professionals. I stayed up really, really late chatting about space with other like-minded dreamers. I wrote, “I really can't believe that all of this is happening to me. NSRC is the best conference ever.”

Legos! - NSRC 2013

And now, NSRC is back after a 3 year hiatus! Originally planned to be an every-18-months conference from 2012 onward, the fifth NSRC was delayed until enough progress in the industry justified the meeting. I'm looking forward to hearing from researchers, flight providers, and everyone else involved! Speakers not previously mentioned include Alan Eustace, Steve Jurczyk, David Miller, John Olson, Jason Reimuller, and Steve Collicott. I'm looking forward to seeing old colleagues and meeting news ones!

And what's sure to convince everyone that I'm crazy, I'll be attending with a baby. This will be a challenge, for sure, but I'm up for it!

For more information, visit http://nsrc.swri.org.